He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
