Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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