my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
