i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
