East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
