All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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