I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
