Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
