i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
