There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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