I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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