My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
