im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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