haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize