found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
