i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
