I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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