I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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