I puked a lego.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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