I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
