I seem to have left my pride at pride
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
