wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
