if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
