Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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