Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i love accidental penises.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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