i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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