We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
