I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
