Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
