Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just gargled with NyQuil
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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