actually, I'm a sock model
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
