I have demons in me.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
