I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alive.
So much puke
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
