Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
