I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
