your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
