and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
