I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
