im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize