thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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