he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
