so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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