OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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