i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
