the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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