Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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