Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
