my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
