I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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