dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
