I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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