my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
