I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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