I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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