I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
