i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
