Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize