so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
