Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
