Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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