Already got asked if we're dating
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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