haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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