my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
