I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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