so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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