Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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