you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
