I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
