Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
