I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
