I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
