clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.