There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY