Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?