New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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