I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?