is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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