when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
