I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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