My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
