ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
