Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
