So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
