i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
